PART 1: TTWTPOPW, RR and BS, WP v. WB, WV

I've had so many blog topics floating around in my head this week:  Top ten ways to piss off pregnant women, road rage and back story, writer's pause v. writer's block, and how I can never do those word verification thingys when leaving a comment...

Basically I'm going to do mini entries because I've just had a billion other things going on this week and it sounds too daunting to really develop each entry.

10 ways to piss off a pregnant woman...boiled into 1 (this might be a reoccurring feature, so I can finish the ways):

1.  Tell me I'm not going to make it to my due date... this implies that you think I'm HUGE and there is no way in heck I'll carry this baby full term.  I'm measuring exactly on track so BACK OFF.

(And yeah I don't know any woman who wouldn't want to have their baby before 40 weeks... but it sucks when the above mentioned people are right and you were too huge to make your due date with kiddo no. 1)

If you're tempted to tell me how gynormous I am...it would be in your best interest to keep your mouth shut.

-Red

Glenda and Willy Wonka (My Contest Entry)

Willy and Glenda (the good witch) Wonka

“Willy, are you a good husband or a bad husband?”

“Teee heee heee hee…” the munchkins’ giggling carried through the window. 

“Gah,” Willy waved his hand in front of his face, sick of the incessant giggling. 

 “You don’t have time for me anymore.  All you do is work, work, work, eat, eat, eat, and spend time with the oompaloompas.  When will it end?”

“Should we get out the eggdicator and see if I’m a bad egg?”

 “I’d rather see the wizard.” Glenda fluttered eyelashes.

“Is there something going on between you and Oz?”

“No,” Glenda turned wiping her eyes.  “But where is the passion, the love?  Where did it go?”

“Maybe it went down the yellow brick road…” he muttered.

“What?” she sobbed.

“Nothing, my scrumdiddlyumptious,”  Willy said placing his hand on her shoulder.  She turned, searching his eyes, looking for the love they’d found so long ago.  Willy caressed her cheek, sending long forgotten shivers down her spine.  She leaned in staring at his chocolate stained lips, wanting that kiss like nothing she’d wanted before—the reassurance that all was not lost, that their love would live on.  He pulled her tightly in his arms, his lips just millimeters away…

Knock, knock, knock.

“Yes?” Willy called with Glenda still wrapped in his arms.

“Sir, it’s the Lollipop Guild, they’ve contaminated the taffy pull again.” An oompaloompa poked his head in the door.

“@#$% munchkins.” 

A contest, a contest ;)

A cute Valentine's contest.  I love this idea--so funny.  Anyway read about it here at Midnight Meditations.

Hmmm... I'll have to be crafty--this could possibly put a strain on my deadline and writing time...but what the heck right?

Deadlines: self imposed and otherwise...

I have this deadline coming up--10 weeks to whip my novel into the best shape I can. (That's like 4 chapters a week...uh...)

BECAUSE I'M HAVING A BABY! Phew, just had to get that off my chest.  

Is this weird that I'm just starting to realize this? I mean come on--I start my final trimester tomorrow...  And yeah my due date isn't until May...but since my last child came at 36 weeks, um I'm kinda feeling like maybe I need to rush things along.

Is this stressing me out?

NO NOT AT ALL!  SHEESH!  WHY ARE YOU EVEN ASKING ME THIS!?!
(wiping copious amounts of frosting off my face)

I'm not sure if it's realizing that I'm going to have another kid around, making it twice as hard to do anything for a while or the fact that I have this deadline...but it's like all of a sudden my brain is shutting down and I can't even fix the next page let alone the next chapter.

Maybe it's because I'm having serious nesting issues today and worked my bum off--seriously when did I care that there were crumbs on the toaster or that weird pink stain on the linoleum...but all of a sudden my eyes were like hyper-critical noticing every freakin' thing...crumbs, peeling paint, un-organized drawers, and all the random dirt, dust, sparkles... it was a long day.

Okay.  I feel better...I guess I'll go stare at my stupid novel again.

Anybody else have an impeding deadline?  Or any idea what to do about it?

When the crap hits the fan

If my life were a novel--next week would be awesome.

You know when everything goes wrong and the main character is seriously struggling and you just have to speed read until the end because things are about to change for the better (unless it's hardcore dystopian or foreign)...I felt like that was my last week.

I know I'm being a drama queen.  My life is really fine, nothing major happened--but it was seriously the accumulation of a ton of little things.

Okay confession, I started to list everything that happened and it was kind of depressing to read, so if you know me personally you can call me up and we can have a good laugh.

Anyway just wanted to say that even though the crap hit the fan* I had a ton of really good things that happened interspersed between the craziness--which made me really glad that my life isn't a novel, because that usually doesn't happen--like my family helped me out A TON, I didn't have to make dinner much this week, some really nice man pushed my car out of the road...and then two other guys did the second time it died,  my friends came over and taught me how to make tostadas the right way and fixed my car with my dad while my husband was at work, things amazingly worked out right and left even when I had given up on them.  So thanks everyone, for the help, the prayers, and the perspective.

Red

* (I know that's a gross image...but my husband always says that when he's telling me an especially crazy day working as an EMT--at least he edits it for me, I'm 100% sure his coworkers wouldn't)


P.S.  I just had to link this post...  so funny :)

99th Page Blogfest

So here is my 99th page... (with minimal editing, which makes me realize I need to edit like this... take it out of context and it's easier to look at the mechanics of writing).  For whatever reason the format is really weird and it's not cooperating, so sorry.  :) 


After feeding the horses, I found a brush hanging on the wall and tried to keep myself content by grooming the large animals.  I cleaned Mr. Birdwell's blood off my coat with handfuls of water from MadPlay’s stall and an old rag.  Duke’s paw prints changed into red and brown smears.  I took a ragged breath, fighting the tears.  How long had it been?  How much longer would it be until I knew anything?

            When I had resorted to pacing the length of the barn, the light started to fade.  If Mr. Birdwell had died Jack would have found me by now and if he were still waiting for news he wouldn’t leave--not that I could blame him.  I didn’t want to spend the night in the barn again.  But where was Camille?  When would she show up again?  Her disappearance left me uneasy, I wasn’t sure what had happened in the woods—but she had vanished.  And with her went my chances of getting home.  I started to panic thinking of the photograph, wouldn’t it have to be one of Jack and his father hunting?  I pulled the image from my pocket, it was blurry, nothing like it had been before, I couldn’t make out people or anything in the background, just swirls of dark and light.

            I shivered.  If I hadn’t come things would have been different.  Camille would have taken the picture.  Instead, I made the stupid duck call to distract them, guilt consumed me.  The barn door creaked open and I squinted through the twilight at the figure coming through it. 

            “Oh Jack! How is he?”  I ran to him, noticing the deep circles underneath his eyes.  He smiled at me and held out his arms, wrapping me in his embrace.

Really? Another contest...

Oh yes it is...

Here are a couple of things I just found out about:

Y(A)? Cuz We Write is holding a contest for having 100 followers, there are four chances to win something--all really great prizes including 2, 10pg. critics from agented writers.

And this sounds really fun:

It's a 99th page blogfest  if you don't know what that is...it's cool, I had no idea either.  So basically you post your 99th page of your current WIP on your blog tomorrow, sign up on their list and then go to the other blogs on the list and tell them three things:

1. Would you turn to page 100?
2. Why or why not would you keep reading
3. Based off what you read how likely would you be to buy the book?

(Hmmm...I'm not sure I could really ever answer nicely on the third one, I don't buy books unless I LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM.  That's why I have a library card, so I can read them and then if I ever think about re-reading them, that's when I consider buying.  I'm frugal what can I say?)

Anyway it sounds like fun...

Contests are in the air...

Do you want a query critique?  Um, I do, so maybe you shouldn't go enter (jk).  I love bloggy writer contests...it's so fun when you win them, I've won two in my blogging career and both were super helpful.

Fiction Groupie Contest

Go check it out, it never hurts to enter...

And if you still haven't entered Nathan Bransford's Contest you have until tomorrow.

Red

Nathan Bransford's 1st Paragraph Contest...

Go enter:
http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2011/01/4th-sort-of-annual-stupendously.html


I'm still debating what to enter...but I've had a lot of insight reading the entries (first paragraphs) and what makes them good and what makes them lame.  


It's giving me a headache, because while I want to enter my stupid WIP that I've been working on forever and ever and ever and ever...it is probably my worst first paragraph--which is really sad to realize because it means I really need to change that first paragraph/first chapter again... what the crap?


So I'm thinking about entering this other paragraph from something that doesn't even have 5k of it written yet...  um yeah I'll let you know how that goes.


Anyway go enter, because really what do you have to lose?


Good luck.
Red

S-words (stakes, sequencing, sequels)

I thought I had pretty good stakes* when I wrote my project...(and I'm not going to lie, I still think they're great) but the problem was the sequencing.

By placing some events in the wrong order I eliminated the highest stakes too early and as soon as those stakes were gone/resolved the book should have ended.  Um, the problem was there were like still 80 pages.

Now I am re-sequencing and reevaluating the stakes throughout my novel, along with about a million other things that need to be fixed.

This has lead me to another topic.

Sequels.

Can I just say I am so SO SO glad I've haven't ever developed that kernel of an idea that could have been the sequel to this MS.

Seriously.  This project has so many problems.  But they are problems that can be fixed.  Had I based 250 more pages on the faulty project...I probably would have had an entire MS that didn't work.  AT ALL.  

And just because you can make something have a sequel...doesn't mean you should.

I've read some really lame sequels lately and for me, what it boils down to...is the stakes.  In these crappy sequels the stakes are never as high as the were in the first book, and that's a problem.  A big one, you don't feel the same draw to the problem, to the characters, to anything that's going on.

So my advice is don't write the sequel, I know you want to but don't do it...

Unless you are an amazing writer with a three-book deal and an overarching story line that is really awesome, then be my guest.

*stakes:  what the character has to lose throughout the book...whether it's personal, or will effect others, or the entire world depends on them.  You can read about raising the stakes in a writer's digest article or Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maas (he has an awesome section on stakes :) )

Taking down Christmas

I was really done with Christmas this year, I got in all my cocoa and chocolate and singing and presents and shopping and reflecting on the true meaning of Christmas... I did it all and then I felt it was time to move on.

I packed up everything, the ornaments, the lights, the little weird knickknacks--but everything felt so empty.  Like I just washed the color off the walls or something...It just felt bare.

So I started celebrating Valentine's day.  I made a heart garland and hung it over the fireplace got out the two other Valentine's day decorations I have...and I felt better.

My daughter and I went to see Tangled for the second time and my favorite part of the movie is when Tangled (that's what my daughter calls Rapunzel) is sitting on the boat with Eugene and is talking about how it's been a dream her whole life to see the floating lights...and she asks What if it's not everything I hoped it to be?

It will be--Eugene tells her.

And then she says:

And what if it is? 


I love this, because it's so true.  Sometimes I haven't been able to fully enjoy something because I knew it would end.  (Isn't that kind of weird?) What happens when this magical thing is over?  Even if it was perfect--it's over.

Eugene looks at her and says:  You get a new dream.

So Valentine's Day is my new dream--At least decoration wise :)

But really in life sometimes we just need to realize even when amazing things are over, there can always be a new dream.

So in light of a new dream, I have some New Years Resolutions...okay I have a lot of them, but I'm only sharing two:

1. Finish revising my WIP (by March 3rd) and get rejected at least 100 times before I file it away :)
2. Write one of my new brain children :)  By writing 500 words/day 5x's a week (Starting March 4th)

My bloggy-nod to Valentine's Day:


Thought of You from Ryan J Woodward on Vimeo.

Fudge induced stupor and Taylor Swift

WHAT THE HECK IS MY PROBLEM??

I think I've eaten my weight in fudge today...and I seriously have been going through sugar crashes all day.

LIKE BAD SUGAR CRASHES WHERE I CAN'T THINK AND I DON'T GET OFF THE COUCH.

Why don't I learn?

BECAUSE CHOCOLATE OF ALL KINDS IS MY FREAKING ARCH NEMESIS AND PEOPLE KEEP DROPPING IT BY MY HOUSE.  So if you're tempted...just don't, don't do this to me... I can't handle it.  I think I'm going to have to have my husband dispose of it, because I don't think I have the strength to do it myself.

While I seriously can't keep up with my normal thought process... I can however be seriously thinking about stuff that takes no thought process at all.  Like:

Why Taylor?  What are you thinking?  When the madness end?  Run Taylor, RUN!


I mean seriously, this girl obviously has a strange taste in men... um can we say:

 I think I just threw up in my mouth after posting that...but really what was she thinking??? 


I don't know if we can blame her for this next one...but really they just don't match.   Two cute people don't necessarily make a cute couple:

You are just dating because you're both named Taylor.  

And I don't know if this picture screams mature relationship but at least they were relatively the same age:

Eww...yeah this one just doesn't cut it either.  

Basically Taylor (since you're reading this blog...because I mean--who doesn't?) I know your crash and burn love fests make catchy songs for me to listen to while I write cheesy love scenes... but really Jake Gyllenhaal? Let me know when that doesn't work out for you so I can set you up with someone way better.  Really I'm a great matchmaker... um but don't ask my little sister for a reference, okay?

Thanks, 

Red  

Sleep or Write?

I have a list of priorities that's ingrained in my day.  I'm sure we all do.

Eating and using the restroom are pretty high on my list (although taking care of the kiddo comes before these oft times).
Doing chores is pretty low on the list...but I force myself eventually.

The set of priorities that keep getting mixed up are:  the whole sleep thing or enjoying my free time...
The last couple days sleep has lost, no wonder I'm so cranky this week.  

What do you sacrifices to do the things you love?

When life hands you a bag of broken eggs, you make...

http://fbadventures.wordpress.com/

This picture summed my morning up in a nutshell.

I don't love grocery shopping, I'll just say that... so I'm usually in a hurry.

It doesn't help to have the toddler with me because I'm not thinking about what I'm doing.  So today when I swung the bag carrying the eggs from the shopping cart to the trunk I realized that none of the eggs were nestled safely in the carton...they were all loose in the bag.

As I cursed in my head (because my toddler repeats EVERYTHING she hears) I inspected each egg and stuck them back in their places, only two were broken.  Which was great!  But really really aggravating because the whole time I'm at the grocery store I'm trying to stay on a budget and think of ways to get the most out of my money--and ruining the merchandise before I leave the parking lot is totally not the way to do this!

As I drove home I thought of all the things I could do with those two eggs.  I could make...

• scrambled eggs
• a mini omelet
• cookies 
• cake 
• brownies
• my hair super crazy

I could do a million things with those two dumb eggs...

Or I could just throw them away.  

So that's what I did.  (My grandma probably just rolled over in her grave.  She lived through the depression and later had 14 kids. She would NOT have thrown them away.)  And maybe you're thinking:  What's the point?  Who cares?  They're stupid eggs.

But it made me realize something important.

Sometimes it's okay to quit.  Maybe that's a strange way to put it or a weird revelation to have from throwing away broken eggs...but sometimes the little things we worry about aren't that big of a deal and it's okay to put up the white flag and say:  'No, I'm not doing that.'

The other side of that revelation is... Sometimes it's NOT okay to quit.  

But you have to decide.

I recently had a conversation with my mom about the piano lessons she forced me to take...we had a good laugh.  

 

I HATED piano lessons.  I refused to practice.  I didn't like anything about it: the teacher, the recitals, reading music...and maybe it's because I sucked at it because I didn't practice.  My mom said that someday I would regret quitting piano... but she finally gave in.  She let me quit.  

To this day, I don't regret not playing the piano.  It wasn't for me.  It was okay to quit.  

I did many other things throughout my adolescence...I played the violin, I ran in Cross Country and Track, I joined the swim team, heck I even tried pole vaulting and one of the school musicals.  

Some of those things I stuck with and some I didn't.  I don't regret quiting...it gave me more time for the things that were important to me.   But I would have regret not trying. 

There are things in my life I am unwilling to quit no matter how hard stuff gets...like being a stay-at-home mom.  Sometimes I tell my husband I'm putting in my two weeks, because it is seriously the hardest job I've ever had, with the worst pay :) but it is something I can't give up.  Spending time teaching and being with my daughter is so important to me.    

My marriage is another thing I can't give up...we have had our rough spots and marriage is HARD (Why is it that no one tells you this when you're young?  Or is it that they tell you and you don't really care to listen??) but it's something I can't quit.  (Don't take this offensively... I know there are situations where divorce is the right answer...but it makes me sad to see marriages crumble that could have lasted with the right support)    

Writing is something I'm not willing to quit.  I don't think I could even if  wanted to... I enjoy it too much.  Sure I go through rough spots where I'm not meeting my goals or things aren't clicking, but I can't quit. It doesn't matter if anything ever comes of it.  I won't quit...It's something I HAVE to do.

There are things worth fighting for...things that you have to refuse to quit--but you have to decide what they are.     

Next time you get a bag of broken eggs...  the choice is up to you :).

 

    

Overdose

Oreo Truffles are the WORST invention ever.  Don't even think about making them unless you want to gain about fifty pounds this Christmas season. But if you do want to gain fifty pounds or you have way more self control than a tired, cranky, hormonal, pregnant woman who is addicted to anything with chocolate or cream cheese in it, HERE is the recipe.

I really want to try them with like mint Oreos, but that would be double trouble for me--so maybe I'll leave it up to you.

Today I'm cranking out...and I think that's because I'm tired and ate too many truffles.  But that's beside the point...  I'm in serious need of ideas to crack out of my cranky mood.  I really wanted to write during these precious nap time moments (that will probably end when I start writing...my two-year-old has been yelling:  "Mom! I'm finished sleeping!" when she's done, which is way better than crying...but still it always comes a little too soon).

But Taylor Swift just isn't pulling me out of my mood and neither are Christmas lights or reading blogs... so I'm out of ideas.

What do you when you are too cranky to do something??

Grammar Book No. 1

Painless Grammar--I checked this baby out from the local library.

Sounds like a good one right??

Here is where I have to admit I thought I was so much above this book.  I mean, come on...it's for middle school and high school students.

I've graduated college.  I've had English classes.

I decided that the public library didn't have a lot to offer in the way of grammar books and I was going to have to get my husband to check out a few from the university in our town.

Then I started reading and doing a couple of the practice exercises (which are not called practice exercises to try and fool you) and I realized I so don't remember/never cared to learn the intricacies of "showing possession when the noun is plural".  Sounds easy right?

Maria's cat is ugly.

Yeah, yeah... I know all about that.

Then we get into:

The boy's coat v. the boys' coats

okay makes sense

And then more...

Paul's and Miranda's cokes

versus

Paul and Miranda's coke

Yes as I type this it all seems to click like...duh.  But have I been doing all this correctly when I'm writing a mile a minute?  Uh... 

Mr. and Mrs. Jones have a new dog.
The Joneses have a new dog.
Mr. Jones's dog is new.
The Joneses' dog is new.

Pretty much what I've learned is no more character names ending in 's'. (jk)

Maybe this book is totally above you.  Much of it I am skimming over...and then I'm like wait what?  Mental note...take out crazy antecedents.

Moral of the story:  not checking out college level grammar book until I've mastered middle school all over again.  (Kind of sounds like the nightmare I had last night, who wants to go back to middle school, right?)

Wish me luck.

p.s. hapy thanxgivin' 

This is kind of how I feel in the grammar department...but I'm not giving up! 

Why I hate(d) G&P

Dear Mrs./Mr. (Insert all English teacher names I've ever had... and some of the Spanish ones too),

I hate grammar.  I do.  I still hate it.  I hated all the worksheets, all the work book practices 1a-14j, all the tests multiple choice or not.  It all sucked, it was boring.  I don't have the kind of brain that processes that information easily.

But I really, really hated it because I didn't understand why it mattered.  

THIS is why it matters.

So I'm making a pledge...to not hate grammar, because I need to learn the ins-and-outs like...a couple of years ago.

I'm going to find myself a grammar book and I'm going to read it...and I may even do the practice exercises from my sisters high school textbook.  I may not love it, but I will trudge through until I understand it.

And it will make my writing BETTER.

So I'm sorry for hating your lessons on grammar (and maybe you for teaching them).  I'm sorry for rushing through the work I labeled "busy".

I still may not regret quitting piano lessons... but I do regret slacking in the grammar department.  

Sincerely,

Red  

Back in the Saddle...

I've failed at Nanowrimo. But I'm excited.

My word count for the month is way under even 5,000 words.

I've been writing again.

Period.

And that's what's amazing.

And I realize that not only was my writing slump attributed to being in my first trimester, it was also because I was scared to write my really good idea. The other ideas that I thought were good just weren't pushing me to finish... the stakes weren't high enough for me.  And if they weren't high enough for me to write it, why the heck would anyone want to read it?

So I'm working on the new WIP with actual enthusiasm and can't wait to see all the places it takes me.

Side note... I do want to write those other books someday, they are still good ideas... but I can't write them until I figure out how to up the ante.

Back in the saddle again :)

Slump

I'm in a slump.

That pretty much sums it up.  I'm in a writing slump, house cleaning slump, playing all day with a toddler slump, being whiny slump... the list could go on.

I'm taking a vacation from my blog again... because for some strange reason not writing in it is stressing me out.

I'm annoyed because I keep setting goals and then I don't do them.  I need to be more realistic...I just don't have the time/energy/will power to do my normal routine right now.

So here's one last book recommendation before my vacation:

  
Pretty much you need to read this book if you ever even think about being pregnant.  Don't get me wrong, we're excited baby no. 2 is on the way, it's just the whole pregnancy thing... it sucks.

WIP Wednesday

Word count:  4218

I'm kind of bummed.  I only worked on this project once in the last week, but lately my free time has been entirely gone--so I need to grateful I even got this much done.

Goal for next week:  AT LEAST up to 5500