I'm a future person. I don't really enjoy the past, or at least I thought I didn't. Let me clarify--I love history and all things old, but my own history and memories--I don't relive/revisit them. When I move on, I move on. Period. I never visited old teachers, and when I left for college, I didn't keep in touch with my friends back home. I made new ones who I didn't keep in touch with when I left again. I don't visit old jobs, I don't like seeing people in Walmart I haven't seen in forever. I like keeping people in these little boxes in my mind, where they stay in the time they should. When I've completed a chapter in my life--I shelf it and don't look back.
Do I think this is a good thing? Not really.
Did I have some horrific childhood/teen/young adulthood? Nope.
So what's my problem? I have no idea, other than I love reaching forward and trying to figure out what I'm going to do next.
Do I want to be stuck in the past? Not at all, but remembering, cherishing, learning from it--that would be a good thing.
I just pulled out the boxes I'd left in my parents attic eight years ago--when I moved out and went to college. Basically my childhood in seven boxes. I'm still sorting through everything deciding what's worth hanging on to.
And I realized I'd forgotten. So much. So many friends, so many memories.
As I showed some of my high school pictures to my mom, she asked me: Would you change anything if you could do it all again?
And honestly no I wouldn't, except one thing.
I'd appreciate it more.
When I got home with the boxes, and I had to rush around putting the baby to bed and getting big girl a snack and doing all the 'mom' things. It hit me. I need to appreciate it now, because this will be gone just as fast.
That is one gift writing has given me. I'm starting to remember. High school and middle school and growing up and how hard it all is, and yet how carefree. All these pictures and memories are a boatload of inspiration I'm so grateful to have.
I have to say that there is hope for me yet. I had one of the best friends I've ever had move away in June. I know it's only September, but we call each other about once a week. This is the longest I've ever really kept in touch with someone (I don't count facebook...) so wish me luck. :)
P.S. In honor of reliving memories...I'm going to post a picture each day this month. 31 days of Halloween.
Only a few friends have stayed with me through the majority of my life since college. Actually, only one and we don't live anywhere near each other. We talk once a week as well. I hate talking on the phone. So, it's a big deal for me to keep in touch with her. I, too, feel most people are temporary. I enjoyed them and reflect on our friendships in order to make better decisions in my future.
ReplyDeleteThat's what it is! I hadn't up until last week called/contacted any of my friends from here. I don't know what it is, maybe it was a harsh "been there, done that" kind of thing. I felt uncomfortable and uneasy. They hadn't tried to stay in touch with me either so I thought we had all moved on...oh well.
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