This is why...

Oh, hey, little bloggy... I have missed you (again).  It's so weird to see that I was sooo pregnant just a few months ago. My, how life gets crazy when you have a baby.  I feel like I'm kind of stepping out of the cave, blinking my eyes, wondering what's been going on for the last few months.

So yep I had a baby, he is the best.  He is so mellow and sweet and smiley.  He's awesome.

Three kids is busy.  We are adjusting.  I think I've lost a lot of caring about the little things though.  There is stuff you just can't worry about anymore.

I don't care that the middle child runs around in just a diaper most days.  I don't care that my four year old dresses herself crazy.  I don't care that we eat peanut butter and jelly for almost every meal.  I don't care that  I can't meet everyone's needs instantaneously... because they will be met.   I have to triage needs.  Poop trumps hunger.  Hunger trumps tired/fussy.  Fussy baby trumps whining about toys.

There are things that I'm trying not to care about... (maybe I'll get over it when we have another kid... which will be a long while... just sayin')  like having a really messy house, not being on a schedule yet, feeling frumptastic, not being in shape yet, not having "me" time, not being on top of everything... like returning phone calls and paying those pesky bills.

Things will fall in place more and more, but it's hard to be patient with myself and getting used to the new normal.

Some days I struggle being a stay at home mom.  Society doesn't value it.  People don't look at all the diapers you change in one day and say "Wow, way to go!".  I struggle with wanting to feel like I'm really making a difference... I have to remind myself that I am.  A huge difference to three little people who need me.  World change at the grass roots level is harder than it looks.  Sometimes I have to remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing, but sums it up rather nicely... this is why I have three kids, this is why it's important: 

  

  

How to Survive Pregnancy

I've earned the right to write this post.  This is my third pregnancy, and I feel like I've finally learned how to be pregnant and not hate it the ENTIRE time.

Here's a run down of what I've learned:

1.  Eating for TWO is a LIE...

It is an evil lie that will cause you to gain twice the recommended weight you should.

My first pregnancy I ate whatever the crap I wanted, whenever I wanted (or pretty much all day long).  I gained sooooo much weight.  It sucked.  I got a ton of stretch marks... not all of which were on my stomach.  I had horrible swelling.  I couldn't get around very well at all....  People would ask me when I was due and be like, "OH, HONEY, YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT."  It was like a slap in the face every time.  Not fun.  It took my about a year to get back into my body afterward.

2nd time around, I was smarter with my food choices and didn't go hog wild.  And it worked.  I stayed in the recommended weight limit... and I lost the weight much quicker, I didn't have as much swelling, but I still felt REALLY crappy for a lot of my pregnancy.

Which brings to the third time around... and no. 2

2.  Exercise.

I kind of walked around some with my other pregnancies... but I never really maintained the habit.  3rd time pregnant, exercising and eating more healthy definitely helped me feel a ton better.  Who knew?  All the articles about eating right and exercising during pregnancy were right!   My second trimester energy lasted well into my third trimester... really about 34 weeks was when things started to decline, not too bad.

Here's the difference, I had a great exercise routine before I was pregnant with the 3rd... so it wasn't like I was starting from scratch when I became pregnant... or going from a lame regimen to nothing.

I have had to modify my exercise every couple of months... I started out running, that ended after my first trimester, then I went onto exercise dvd's, then prenatal yoga and walking, right now I'm down to the bare minimum... I'm only doing prenatal yoga and only every other day... but I'm still exercising! VICTORY!


3.  Water.  LOTS and LOTS of it.

Drink water.  A ton of it!  Way more than you think you need.  You will feel better and you will look better and you won't have so many freaking braxton hicks contractions.  I wish I would have done this with no. 1 and no. 2... I had so many BH contractions, and it drove me nuts.


4.  Sleep

Make it your no. 1 priority.  Don't stay up late, and any day you can take a nap... DO IT! Especially in your first and third trimesters.  Even just laying on the couch for 15 mins can really help.

Plus if you follow advice no. 1 and no. 2... you will sleep better.  I promise.  A little walk around the block and I sleep way more soundly.

5. Crazy = normal.  

Nesting, crying, impatience, irritability it's normal... and someday you won't be such a raving lunatic. So even after 2 other pregnancies I haven't learned to master the hormones, but I will say... at least I know I can be normal again... it might take about 6 months after the babies born, but someday I will be normal (kind of).

Harness your craziness... and it can work in your benefit.  All those crazy nesting ideas can really distract you from the "WHEN'S THIS BABY GOING TO GET THE H OUTTA ME?" feelings you may be having.

And somedays... you will HATE being pregnant.  You will HATE everything about it.  And that's okay.  Because tomorrow you probably will swing the other way and be like, this is pretty cool... I'm growing a baby.  And that's awesome.

So don't beat yourself up for being a little NUTSO.

Well, here's to 9 more days!  We're almost there.

-Red
  

Yeah, we did it! Lo hicimos!

Here's my super mom scrapbook of all the 'nesting' that's been going on here.  Just FYI, for every day of nesting (lest you think I'm just amazing all the time) there were at least two-seven couch days where I whined about wanting to die in between.  

Gum paste flowers (tutorial here)

Ruffle/Circle skirts (combined tutorials here and here)

Bean bag/potato stamped pillows (idea from here)

Crockpot freezer meals (recipe's from here and here)

I'm pretty sure my nesting gear is now set to low... I'm just too tired, but I am super happy with everything I've gotten done.

How to feed your chocolate addiction without all the sugar

Banana bread, with unsweetened cocoa thrown in :)

I love chocolate.  I know people say this and you're like yeah, yeah, we all love chocolate.  BUT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW... or maybe you do.

Do you sometimes randomly open the unsweetened cocoa box and just inhale?
Do you place 80% dark chocolate under your tongue and involuntarily sway as it melts?
Will you do/eat anything to get your fix?

So I'm addicted to chocolate.  Problem is chocolate and sugar usually go hand in hand.  And I don't like that.  Especially right now...  it's the whole pregnant thing.  I have no control once I get started on the sugar train.  I  seriously eat the WHOLE batch of brownies.  Chocolate frosting in the fridge? I'm there every five minutes scooping it out with a spoon.  When the kids ask about the Rockie Road Icecream I bought two days ago... and I can't really explain what happened to it... it becomes a problem.  Not to mention the major sugar crashes you go through.

And then there's the doctor's office... you have to actually get on the scale.  February was a bad, bad month for me and the scale.

So I realized I need to do something about it.

I decided to not bake any cookies, cupcakes, or brownies (basically any dessert with an excessive amount of sugar) until St. Patty's day.  I also stopped eating ice cream.

BUT I CAN'T STOP eating CHOCOLATE.

So here's what I've been doing.  Me and the unsweetened cocoa are BFF's.

I make chocolate/peanut butter spinach smoothies.  I know you just totally cringed... but you should try it.

I found this recipe and tweaked it:

1 frozen banana
2 cups spinach
1 cup of milk
dash of cinnamon
dash of red pepper
1 heaping tablespoon of cocoa powder, sometimes a little more
1 tbs peanut butter

And then blend the crap out of it.

Also when the girls are eating ice cream, I eat plain yogurt with a banana cut up in it, some peanuts, and you guessed it a heaping load of cocoa powder.  I sometimes have coconut on top.

I make hot chocolate with cocoa powder and no sugar... and I love it.

We've also tried black bean brownies... I would add more chocolate to the recipe next time... but the amazing thing was that after 2 small brownies I was stuffed.  I didn't eat the whole pan.  Miracle of miracles.

These do have the consistency of like a dry pumpkin bar... so don't go into thinking it's going to trick you.  I mean, come on, if you really, really, really need a brownie and you aren't about to go over the recommended weight limit for your pregnancy... just make a real brownie. 

Another food I haven't had in a while, but seriously need to... is Mole (as in the sauce, not the animal) it's a Mexican chocolate/nut/spicy combo that goes over chicken. Sigh.


Anyone else out there addicted to chocolate??  Any good recipes?

How to be happy

This just keeps coming up in my life lately.

Maybe because I'm generally an optimistic person and I'm struggling with that currently... but I keep running into things that remind me I need to be happy now.

I need to enjoy life today, and not push it back to some kind of deadline. The "I'll be happy when..." thing isn't cool, because you just never know what's coming.

Some things I'm trying to remember right now are:

1. Be Grateful
2. Someone's having a worse day than you.

So the gratitude thing.  I've heard of a lot of people keeping gratitude journals* lately.

I've decided it's really important to constantly recognize what you're grateful for...  Grateful people are happy people.  They look at the good things in their lives instead of dwelling on everything bad.  And dwelling on the positive things will change your perspective.

So I'm going to start keeping a gratitude journal of sorts... but I kind of want to pull my family into it and talk about what we're grateful for at dinner and write it down in a little notebook--I'll have to report back to show you how it goes :)

Okay, so a little story about how being grateful can change you:


So I was at the grocery store about six months ago.  I was still in my first trimester and feeling really crumby, my kids were going crazy at the store, whining, crawling out of the top of the cart, wanting to be held, dancing in the aisles... I know, I know there were only two, but things were getting a little crazy.  I felt nauseous and tired.  And my husband was out of town... for 12 weeks... this was somewhere in the middle of it.

So I prayed, a really whiny prayer in my head in the grocery store.  Something to the effect of I'm soooo tired, I'm sick of this, I just want to be done with this trip... and I was literally on the verge of tears.

And an interesting thing happened.  An image of a third world country popped up in my head.  And all these things came to my mind:

You have food.  You have water.  You have money to pay for your food.  You have air conditioning.  All the food is here in one large store.

All these things just flooded my mind.  I thought about how women have to carry their children on their backs, get food from markets, some don't have money to feed their kids.

And it changed my attitude... I was grateful.  I could suddenly handle these goofy kids and my luxury life.  It was humbling.  

The other thing to remember is... Someone is having a worse day than you.

So I'm due at the end of the month.  I haven't been feeling well lately.  I had a really awesome, long 2nd trimester and then things kind of plummeted a couple of weeks ago.

I've been having a hard time.  I have super emotional, super cranky, super tired.  I'm ready to be done.  I've hit the point where I keep thinking:  I hate being pregnant.

But I've been trying to remember that it really isn't so bad... and that I need to look around me.  Everyone has something that they are struggling with, and if you can help someone, you might just feel a little bit better.

I recently found out a girl I knew growing up is having a really rough time.

She was pregnant and living in Germany with her husband when she broke her arm.  Breaking your arm would be difficult anytime, but when your pregnant and not feeling well... It would be worse. When she got it x-rayed they realized she has a rapidly progressing bone cancer.

They decided to deliver her baby a tiny, healthy, baby girl, and three days later the mom had to start Chemo.  She now is living in the US being treated, while her husband still has to finish his time in Germany.

She is grateful she broke her arm, so that they found the cancer.

Another friend's relative had a baby boy a month or so ago, just before they were about to leave the hospital the doctor checked him one last time and realized something was very seriously wrong with him.  Since then he's had multiple procedures and been in various hospitals.  You can read about his progress here.  

My sister-in-law and her sister (Hi Jenny :) ) have Cystic Fibrosis. Sometimes I need to remember what a blessing it is to be able to breathe.

I can't even imagine going through these things.  Here I am whining about a normal pregnancy, and all the "crazy" things in my life... when I should be grateful for what I do have.

Someone is having a worse day than you.  Go and find out how you can make it better.  You will be happier.

Any other thoughts out there?  What do you do to be happy?


*Random Rant:  I don't know why, but Oprah ruined this for me. I know Oprah does a lot of good things with her money/power/etc.  But I didn't like the show, I only watched it once or twice.  I guess it's the interview thing, where she's like digging into the souls of people on tv to millions of people and they are hurting about whatever they are going through and then she'd dissect them on television... it just seemed cruel and manipulative.  Plus people practically worshiped her... Anyway.  So anyway the fact that Oprah has plugged having a gratitude journal kind of left a bad taste in my mouth.  I'm getting over myself though :)

Wicked Witch of the Nest

I'm nesting.  Completely and insanely.  The problem is I only have so much energy... or ya know... so little.  And the days I try to take on the world, I pay for it.  Either that afternoon or for the next three days.  And I get CRANKY and go into a complete emotional upheaval, because I'm so flipping tired.  It's so aggravating.   Some days I can't seem to make my bed or do any of the dishes  (nope, not a one).  And days like today I make lists and lists of the things I would love to do before the baby gets here.

Like:
-Make a zillion curtains to go in every room of my house
-Do a few diy art projects from pinterest (which if you're wondering, I still haven't joined, I just lurk)
-Make two ruffle skirts for my girls
-Make three bean bag chairs
-recover the glider
-repaint ALL the baseboards/doors/paneling a fresh coat of white
-buy a new comforter for my bed
-paint the baby's dresser

But how can I even bother doing the above if I don't have the energy to do this:
-Groceries
-Laundry
-vacuum
-mop
-pay the bills
-reorganize the little dresser
-take a shower
-do my prenatal yoga so my stupid tailbone doesn't hurt sooooo much.
-finish recovering my parents dining room chairs that I started MONTHS ago
-make all these little gum paste flowers that I'm going to need in April...

And in the insane part of my nesting brain... I look at the above list and I'm like, yeah I can totally do that!  I just need to make a list of my supplies and just start cracking.  The more rational side of me is thinking it's time to buy more dark chocolate and go watch Pride and Prejudice (the six hour one, duh).

I'm not sure which side will win today... but I have a feeling I'm going to be spent tomorrow either way.

Red

It's okay to be overwhelmed

Today I woke up overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with life and the billion things that are clamoring for my attention.

Sometimes life is like a cupboard (or drawer or closet) you've crammed so many things into, that they all keep spilling out every time you open the door... or you know, wake up and get out of bed.

Waking up like this isn't fun.

But the thing I realized today is... It's OKAY to feel overwhelmed.  It's NORMAL when there are a billion things in your life that you can't control.

You just have to embrace it and say 'Nope I can't do it all'.  And know that at the end of the day the important things will get done.  No you don't have to finish doing your taxes today, or patching all the nail holes in the wall, or sorting that ridiculous pile of papers on the counter, or finish prepping for your little brother's wedding reception that isn't until the END OF APRIL... (okay, that last one may not apply to you).

Prioritize.  Yes, I will get my bum to the grocery store because I have to feed my family. And if that's the only thing on my list that gets "done"... it's okay.

I find that whenever I feel like this and I want to crawl back in my bed there are some things to do/realize:

1. I probably need more sleep.  Life always looks better when you aren't over tired.

2. If it go out for a walk I'll get some perspective.

3. Do one thing on your list.  Just one.  Some days this means making my bed.  Others it means showering.  Yep, I'm serious.  Or the walk thing.  So pick one thing you HAVE to do... and then "take a vacation from your problems"--What about Bob... I'm seriously going to have to watch this movie soon, it's been way to long.

So what do you do when you feel overwhelmed?
{Besides make a HUGE batch of brownies and eat them until you want to pop... because that may or may not have been my coping mechanism yesterday :) }

Red

Dear Taylor, I'll tell you why

Dear Taylor,

While I admit, I am completely in love with the album Red--I'm kind of depressed about your love life (which you can review... here and here... if you're getting fuzzy on the details, side note: you should have dated Tebow).  Oh and here are the more recent exhibits:

 

You get a lot of flak about the whole crash and burn love life thing, which makes me sad, because I think there are so many women who go through this. I am glad that these relationships end because obviously they aren't working out... still, there are some things you should know.

You are an awesome person. You are talented, smart, funny, beautiful... so why?  Why do you go through this (all the time!)?

I'll tell you why.

You're not picky enough.

You're flattered too easily.

You don't believe in yourself.

You feel like if you don't go for this relationship there might not be another one.

You're insecure.

To put it in a nutshell, you're selling yourself short.

So get pickier! You're the one in control, don't wait to see what creep is going to come knocking next!  The more confident you are, the more you love yourself, the less you'll accept any and every bit of attention that comes your way.  Don't worry about hurting feelings, this is your life, if someone asks you out that you feel slightly skeevy about--RUN! Yep, the other way.

Believe in yourself, you are worth it.  And if someone really likes you, they'll work at getting your attention, you don't need to throw yourself at anyone... and if they are going in for a kiss on the first date... (as in you don't really know them yet) they are just in it for the action. They should be more interested in getting to know you than making out.


So, basically, hang in there. Get to know yourself.  Figure out what you want. Love is hard and life is hard, but I'm sure you'll figure it out--just start learning from the mistakes now, not after the next five crash and burns.

Good luck,
Red


P.S. I get what you say about needing your independence, but obviously you like being in relationships, so um, you're just not dating the right guys.

Here's the exact quote if you think I'm putting words in your mouth: "Independence is something I've always needed, from when I was young," Swift stated. "But I love the idea of romance and falling in love. I've never really had a long relationship. So that's something I think about for the future. It's an interesting part of my personality: Part of me just wants to be alone..." It's from some magazine called VIBE, I've never read... also it's AAALLL over the internet.   

P.P.S I think it's great you write about all your relationships, because that's where good music comes from--LIFE.  So please don't cave to the pressure, sell out, and start writing super generalized songs that are lame. But... it is time we get a few more happy ones in there.

P.P.P.S. I'm so not missing the Red tour, I promise.  I even stuck it on my bucket list.

Loving things you don't.

I had to take a health class in 9th grade.  It was completely run of the mill don't do drugs, always eat healthy, exercise this and this amount, etc.  Honestly, I don't remember a whole lot from it.

Here is the one thing I remember.

It was a story.

(Got that teachers? Stories stick.)

My health teacher said when he was in high school he played soccer.  He loved soccer, but unfortunately during off season all they did was run.  Running was boring, it was hard, it was stupid.  He hated running. His  teammates hated running.  In fact they would curse and generally repeat how much they HATED running on all of their runs.

Sounds kind of typical high school to me.

But anyway, their coach got a little sick of it, so he outlawed the cursing, he outlawed the word "hate".  He told them whenever they wanted to whine, they just had to say:  I love it.

The team laughed at him, like pfft yeah right, but after a little coaching, even just to make fun of the stupid suggestion, they would say it.

When the sweat was rolling off their foreheads as they were pounding the burning hot pavement uphill, someone would shout: I LOVE IT!

Then the chorus would break out, they all LOVED it.  They said it like a swear, but it was a good way to make fun of their coach and they kept doing it.

And then a strange thing happened... the more they said it, the more they joked about loving running... loving the heat, the sweat, the muscle cramps, the more they actually did...

They loved it.  

I used to really hate doing the dishes, and even though it took some strategizing  on how to make this easier, it also had a ton to do with attitude.

I read these suggestions on how to like doing house work, one of the suggestions was to do a fist pump in the air and yell: GIVE ME A HELL YEAH FOR THE DISHES!

This wouldn't exactly go over so well in my house, because then I'd have a one year old and a 4 year old screaming H-yeah!

Anyway, all this was to say... you can change how you feel about something by the words you use, by your attitude.

So go pick something you "hate" and give "lovin' it" a whirl.

There really are secrets...

So turns out, there really are secrets to keeping your house clean.  I read a blog entry one time that stated the exact opposite, it was like all that's between you and a clean house is hard work, there are no secrets... anyway, it said something like that.

And I felt so depressed because I was like... I do work hard! All day, everyday!  And I can't keep my house under freaking control! It's impossible.

But I've found through a little research/observation (from the Internets/watching the habits of really clean people I know), that it's all about working smarter, not harder... hence the secrets.  Okay they may not seem like miraculous secrets to you, but to me, they have made all the difference.

1. Don't let the dishes mildew.  

• This sounds so stupid, but it's true, I always hated doing the dishes, but that's because I'd continually let them pile up until they had to be done. And I loathed it. So now, I load the dish washer all day after every snack/meal/etc, run it over night and unload as soon as I can in the morning.  Doing this has changed my life.  

2. Do a load of laundry most days.  

• The more people we added to our family the crazier the laundry situation got.  Laundry day was super lame and usually ended with a HUGE pile of laundry on the coffee table that would stay there for days at a time until slowly, it got used up.  I try to do a load a day, this doesn't always happen, but if I do a load most days, it stays under control. This means much smaller loads, that are way easier to put away... It took me a while to be converted to this tip, because I didn't want to be constantly doing laundry, but I found out I spend way less time/energy/angst over laundry now than I did before.  

3. 5 minute clean ups.  

• I set my timer for 3, 5, or 10 minutes and my kids and I do a cleaning blitz.  I try and do this before nap time and before bed time so the toys don't get out of control.  Also another tip I learned from some article was to always take something with you when you leave a room.  You see a toy or two on the floor that don't belong in the kitchen, pick them up as you walk out and throw them in the toy box... it can make a big difference.  

4. Declutter

• This is my arch nemesis, but I'm getting better, you just have to remember the less stuff you have, the easier it is to pick up/keep organized.  Picking something to declutter for 15 minutes a day is also life changing.  I love taking a box or sack full of weird stuff to the Goodwill, it just makes me feel lighter.  

5. Schedule

• Have a cleaning schedule for stuff you don't do as often... here's mine:  Monday-vacuum, Tuesday-wipe something down (this is usually weird sticky stuff my kids get on walls/cabinets/chairs, I pick one thing and don't worry about the rest), Wednesday-mop, Thursday-Grocery day, Friday-Bathrooms, Saturday-catch up on whatever I didn't get done.  
• Have a daily cleaning routine, for when you load/unload dishes and/or clothes, declutter, do your chore--like vacuum, etc.  And do the cleaning as fast as you can, get it over with, and move on with your life.  

So a lot of this I learned from flylady.net, but I didn't go overboard and buy all her books or even sign up for her emails.

The fly lady has a ton of awesome suggestions, that I'm sure if I followed them, my house would be immaculate, but I'm not the fly lady.  Part of my routine involves exercising, writing, playing with my kids, reading scriptures/meditation time... these really are the most important things in my day... consequently I'm not going to swish my toilet bowl every morning, because I just don't care that much.

You have to pick what's important to you.

Is my house perfect?

Nope.

Is it clean enough?

For me, yes.

So there you go.  What other secrets have you found?

Loving it, come heck or heck water

Pretty much when New Years rolled around I decided it was going to be the year of the 'suck'.  My whole family was really sick, my husband and I didn't even remember it was our anniversary the day before because we were alternating lying on the couch with chills/snot/the works and/or making frequent trips to the restroom.  We put the kids to bed at 8, we went to bed between 9:30 and 10...

And I just kept thinking about why everything was going to suck this year.  About how hard certain aspects of my life are going to be... about how my husband doesn't have a job right now--and it's making things a little tense around here (that may be a teensy understatement)... about how he is still going to school... about our student loans growing... about getting up all night with a newborn... about taking care of two other kids... about not having enough help around the house... about the uncertainty of whether we are going to have to move across the country to find a job... and the list goes on.

Then I remembered something.  It was this talk I heard, called Of Regrets and Resolutions, about what people regret as they approach the end of their lives.

It talks about how people regretted not spending enough time with their loved ones and how people felt like they didn't live up to their potential... these made sense.

And then the last one was:  "I wish I had let myself be happier".

And I wasn't expecting that one... it kind of stopped me.  Maybe it's just the way it's worded, not 'I wish I'd been happier'... but "I wish I had let myself be happier".  That little 'let myself' makes a big difference.

"So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.

We do matter. We determine our happiness.

You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness."

I am in charge of my own happiness.  So if I decide it's going to be the suckiest year on record, it will be.  If I decide to get over it and enjoy my life even when things are crazy and hard, I can be happy.

So I've decided, this year is going to be awesome.  It is a blank word doc ready to be filled, and I get to choose how it's filled.

I am determined. Come heck or heck water... (that's how my family says it, I know, we're weird) I'm going to be happy.

I've posted this quote on my fridge.

"Come what may, and love it."

So here's to a HAPPY new year and to loving life.
 
-Red

Believe it or not, this isn't even the Love it story I was going to share... I'll have to get on that later.

I have a blog?

I keep getting subtle reminders that I'm not blogging... like all the bajillion spam comments that keep getting emailed to me.

I pulled the old thing up and realized how much I liked blogging.  And how cute my short hair was... sigh.

So here's a life update for ya...

1. I have two crazy kids, a 4yr old and a 20 month old.
2. We are having another baby in the springtime.
3. My husband is still going to school and had to leave us for three months.*
4. Big girl started Prek this year.
5. I'm growing out my hair for various reasons... one of which is that my face fills out when I'm pregnant, and the other is that my husband begged me day after day after day... to grow out my hair--we shall see how long it lasts.  I get this itchy feeling every so often that I need to chop all my hair off.
6. It's just been a lot of big changes.

I've been writing occasionally.
Exercising more than writing.
Eating healthy.
Cooking from my crockpot.
Learning how to keep my house under control, or at least attempting it.
Surviving the kids being constantly sick.
Getting through the holidays without too many meltdowns (my own, not the kids).
Trying to keep things in balance without wanting to rip all my hair out.

So it's time, I don't want to make this blog a headache, or have a schedule, or feel obligated to post about certain things, but I miss it.  I miss venting, or sharing, or making a record of my life.

So while I'll probably still write about writing, I had to change the title of my blog.  Because I'm pretty sure I'll be writing more about life.  And how I'm trying to love it.

More on that later.

Red

*Single parenthood SUCKS. I do NOT recommend it. And I seriously admire anyone who has to do the task alone, because it is reeeeeaaaaallly hard.

I need to get real

Does anyone else out there have over zealous goals and deadlines they push on themselves?  Like finishing their novel rewrite before their birthday or running a half marathon--barefoot...also by their birthday? (Does this scream mid-life crisis to anyone else?  And am I allowed to have one of those yet?)

Okay, okay, confession on the barefoot thing--I'm not that crazy, I wear shoes, but I'm doing the whole minimalist thing... to change my heel striking ways.  (Anyone else read Born to Run and want to be Tarahumara?)

So sometimes I make these lofty goals and then reality sets in.

Like oh wait, I have small children who sometimes make it impossible to write, even though I needed to meet my 500 word goal for the day and edit the crap out of yesterday's 500...

Or wait, I'm not sixteen anymore, so trying to up my mileage 1 mile/week (HA!) in racing flats (Hahahohohehe!) when you're only supposed to do add on 10%/week in distance when transitioning to barefoot form... yeah, it doesn't exactly go so well.

So my ankles have been killing me, my writing has sucked, and I'm totally beating myself up over it.
I've had to stop running to make sure I don't do any real damage. (Don't worry I pulled out my trusty 30 day shred and even after all the exercising lately, it's still hard)  I've had to realize I can't always make my word count goals...

The hardest part about this is realizing IT'S OKAY.  Who freaking cares?  No one has a gun to my head.  I'm doing this for me, and if it takes longer than initially planned--what's the big deal?

So message for today... get real and stop being so hard on yourself.

Red

Hunger Games Day Dreams...

I finally saw it... and it was spectacular.  I couldn't believe how much I was on the edge of my seat.  I've read the books, I knew what was going to happen, but I was gripping my chair, my heart pounding, it was intense.

That's when you know it's an amazing story.  It doesn't matter if you've heard it all before, it still gets ya.

So I've been day dreaming, (come on admit it--you do this too) about what it would be like for a story that I brainstormed, wrote, slaved over became a movie--and actually an amazing movie.  How awesome would that be to say 'yeah, that came from my brain'?

I love how I jump to the movie, whether or not I would use any of the pen names I come up with, what I would wear to my book signings etc... before I've even written the book.  But I guess that's why we're writers, we have really good imaginations... now if I could transfer it to what I should be working on, that would be awesome.

And in case you were wondering about what I would wear to a signing:

I love the skirt, the vest/top not so much

I'm feeling orange today what can I say?

Ooh la la

Sigh.  I love how these are all dresses/skirts, and I'm totally a ts-hirt and jeans person... a girl can dream, can't she?

Oh yes, she can.  

Peace out,

Red

 

And if you want to daydream too, here's where these super cute outfits came from: http://www.shabbyapple.com/t-apparel.aspx

 

Afraid of the dark

I've been getting out a bit earlier as my runs have gotten longer.  And it's generally darker then I prefer.  Earlier means the sky doesn't yet have a hit of glow about it until I get back.

I know my senses are more alert, I'm on the watch out for creepsters who are lurking in the wee hours of the morning.  I know I'm paranoid.  I live in an insanely safe part of the world, but one can never be too careful.  I confess I run with mace and my phone and I don't listen to music.  

Anyway, it was dark this morning, and I was running along by some enormous bushes.  Giant bushes, the kind where creepsters totally camp out in waiting for me to run by and something jumped out!

The adrenaline rush was amazing for my pace--in a fight or flight situation I'm a little more geared to flight--my arms pumped and my legs flew and everything slowed down... so that I could safely get away from the birds who flew right past my feet, in some kind of crazy mating ritual. 

I couldn't help but laugh as I ran along.   

In my denfense they really crashed through those leaves--loudly and my freak out was much more justified than the one I had when a giant moth flew out in front of me.    

So anyone else out there with a crazy imagination?  Am I the only one afraid of the dark?  

When to delete a character...

When do you know you should delete a character?

I agonized over the last couple of weeks whether or not to delete one of my characters, my mc's great grandmother.  A different one I just chopped, easy peasy, cut her out of the story and done, we shall call her Shaye (okay that was her name) was part of a subplot that I was wishy wash about.  I felt relieved when I cut her.

With Grammy I thought well, is she really accomplishing anything?  Surely I could combine her purpose into a different character.  I couldn't really put my finger on why she was integral to the story.  

So I tried to delete her.  But nothing flowed.  I rewrote the opening a couple times and I just didn't like it.  

And then I had an ah-ha moment.  I realized, that yes someone else could fulfill her purpose, but Grams set the tone.    She was cryptic, she was wrinkly and there was just something about her I couldn't recreate in my other characters, something a thirteen-year-old boy couldn't do.  So I fleshed her out and made her matter more.  And I like the opening a lot better, isn't that great when that happens?

So moral of the story: all your characters need a purpose, and if you can't put you finger on it try to delete them, see what happens.

you know you're old when...

There are certain things I loved in my youth that just don't do it for me anymore...

For example:

Milk chocolate
Any food from Sonic
Loud music
Staying up really late
Going to the Mall to hang out
Midnight showings of movies... (okay I've only done that once and it was like last year, cough, cough.  But I realized I was old when I didn't want to do it again)

And today I realized another one.

Running in the rain.

I used to love it, I thought it was so tough.  It gave me some kind of adrenaline rush or something.  But this morning when I woke up at 6:30 (Aren't you so proud of me!  This is week two of being a morning person and I'm still at it!) and it was raining like mad... did I go run in the rain?

Uh... no.  It sounded like the worst idea in the world.
All I could think was:  blisters! wet socks! distracted drivers! slick pavement! soggy t-shirt!

So I turned on my beloved Jillian Michael's 30 day shred and sweat my little heart out.
And now I'm researching treadmills...just in case this spring is extra drizzly.

So what did you love in youth that doesn't cut it anymore?

I hate cooking...

Because sometimes you get this:

Yes that is burned to a blackened crisp
(don't worry... we still ate it, after some minor surgery)

extra extra crispy bacon

flooded icing awesomeness...
not to mention the cookies were disgusting,
I can't remember what I left out,
but they tasted really floury.

So there's the possibility of irreversible damage not only to the food, but to the kitchen as well... the mess we make is absurd.

The older child and I usually make a mess on the counter tops

The younger one likes to mess up the floor.

busted

After she spilled the bag of wheat on the floor,
she proceeded to kick and wave the wheat around  as fast as she could.

I obviously need to re-baby proof the kitchen. 

But sometimes, there is magic, and your blood, sweat, tears, and even prayers* pay off.  And you take this...

Meet the marshmallow fondant...this was literally a miracle.

...and turn it into this:

There is a reason I love writing--there's this amazing button called backspace and this other awesome thing called undo.  You can't really "undo" cooking--when it's gone... it's gone.  And maybe there's something poetic in that too... but for me, it just ticks me off.  

Sometimes you do have to start with a clean slate in writing...but at least the ingredients are free and the house doesn't smell afterward.    

Meet the butterfly my daughter snuck on Grandma's cupcakes...
after I left the room.
My husband thought it was a salamander...
What was he thinking?
It's obviously a butterfly.
Hello, look at those wings.

 *If you were me you would pray that your Mother-in-law's (a.k.a Martha Stewart^2) b-day cupcakes turned out too.  

The morning report

Guys, I forgot how magical the morning is...

Seriously, Monday morning I got up, put on the shoes and went out side to see the moon--it was glowing, actually.  Amazing.  I should have taken a picture.  I went outside just now to check for ye old moon again, but alas it is overcast and I'm thinking I should check the weather before I head out on this run.  It just feels tornado-y.   (aka super muggy, strange glow to the sky... all kinds of fun)

I got up yesterday too--just not to run because I have a yoga class Tuesdays (I LOVE it my friend does it free at our church, how cool is that?)--so this is day three of early morning and I love it.

I'm proud of myself... I don't think I've ever truly been a morning person.  When I was in high school I got up extra early to go to this thing for church called Seminary--where we studied scriptures and such... It started at 6:30... let me say that again 6:30!!!!

My dad would come in my room and do a little jig and turn on the light and try to do all kinds of funny things to wake me up, but I would moan and complain and whine and cry and then I would finally get up.

Anyway, I'll suffice it to say, getting up early has never been my thing, but I love it.  I have time to read, write, make breakfast/unload dishes--it's changing my life.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?  DO YOU LIKE THE MORNING OR ARE YOU A NIGHT OWL, AND WHY?

Okay I gotta scram so I can get to it.  Another 2 miles, wahoo!

Red

half marathon

Why, oh why am I up this early?  I'm an at home mom.  I don't have to acknowledged the time change...ever... okay we do, but, you know, like two weeks later.

But here I am ready to start the day... in the dark lonely world.

At least the rest of my family is asleep.

So yesterday I decided it's time.  I need to run a half marathon.  I'm almost embarrassed that I haven't--is that weird? Uh, yeah, probably.  I've run this far--but not for a long, long, long time--that was back in college, but I've never raced at this distance.  I've done the 5-k a ton, a few 10k's, and a load of triathlons, but never a half marathon.  I picked a race date, I made a schedule... so why am I sitting at the computer?

I'm posting this so I have to commit.  I like running, not usually before the sun comes up, but eh, what are you going to do?

So here goes, to the first day of training--a two mile run.

See ya on the flip side,
Red