Dear Taylor, I'll tell you why

Dear Taylor,

While I admit, I am completely in love with the album Red--I'm kind of depressed about your love life (which you can review... here and here... if you're getting fuzzy on the details, side note: you should have dated Tebow).  Oh and here are the more recent exhibits:

 

You get a lot of flak about the whole crash and burn love life thing, which makes me sad, because I think there are so many women who go through this. I am glad that these relationships end because obviously they aren't working out... still, there are some things you should know.

You are an awesome person. You are talented, smart, funny, beautiful... so why?  Why do you go through this (all the time!)?

I'll tell you why.

You're not picky enough.

You're flattered too easily.

You don't believe in yourself.

You feel like if you don't go for this relationship there might not be another one.

You're insecure.

To put it in a nutshell, you're selling yourself short.

So get pickier! You're the one in control, don't wait to see what creep is going to come knocking next!  The more confident you are, the more you love yourself, the less you'll accept any and every bit of attention that comes your way.  Don't worry about hurting feelings, this is your life, if someone asks you out that you feel slightly skeevy about--RUN! Yep, the other way.

Believe in yourself, you are worth it.  And if someone really likes you, they'll work at getting your attention, you don't need to throw yourself at anyone... and if they are going in for a kiss on the first date... (as in you don't really know them yet) they are just in it for the action. They should be more interested in getting to know you than making out.


So, basically, hang in there. Get to know yourself.  Figure out what you want. Love is hard and life is hard, but I'm sure you'll figure it out--just start learning from the mistakes now, not after the next five crash and burns.

Good luck,
Red


P.S. I get what you say about needing your independence, but obviously you like being in relationships, so um, you're just not dating the right guys.

Here's the exact quote if you think I'm putting words in your mouth: "Independence is something I've always needed, from when I was young," Swift stated. "But I love the idea of romance and falling in love. I've never really had a long relationship. So that's something I think about for the future. It's an interesting part of my personality: Part of me just wants to be alone..." It's from some magazine called VIBE, I've never read... also it's AAALLL over the internet.   

P.P.S I think it's great you write about all your relationships, because that's where good music comes from--LIFE.  So please don't cave to the pressure, sell out, and start writing super generalized songs that are lame. But... it is time we get a few more happy ones in there.

P.P.P.S. I'm so not missing the Red tour, I promise.  I even stuck it on my bucket list.

Loving things you don't.

I had to take a health class in 9th grade.  It was completely run of the mill don't do drugs, always eat healthy, exercise this and this amount, etc.  Honestly, I don't remember a whole lot from it.

Here is the one thing I remember.

It was a story.

(Got that teachers? Stories stick.)

My health teacher said when he was in high school he played soccer.  He loved soccer, but unfortunately during off season all they did was run.  Running was boring, it was hard, it was stupid.  He hated running. His  teammates hated running.  In fact they would curse and generally repeat how much they HATED running on all of their runs.

Sounds kind of typical high school to me.

But anyway, their coach got a little sick of it, so he outlawed the cursing, he outlawed the word "hate".  He told them whenever they wanted to whine, they just had to say:  I love it.

The team laughed at him, like pfft yeah right, but after a little coaching, even just to make fun of the stupid suggestion, they would say it.

When the sweat was rolling off their foreheads as they were pounding the burning hot pavement uphill, someone would shout: I LOVE IT!

Then the chorus would break out, they all LOVED it.  They said it like a swear, but it was a good way to make fun of their coach and they kept doing it.

And then a strange thing happened... the more they said it, the more they joked about loving running... loving the heat, the sweat, the muscle cramps, the more they actually did...

They loved it.  

I used to really hate doing the dishes, and even though it took some strategizing  on how to make this easier, it also had a ton to do with attitude.

I read these suggestions on how to like doing house work, one of the suggestions was to do a fist pump in the air and yell: GIVE ME A HELL YEAH FOR THE DISHES!

This wouldn't exactly go over so well in my house, because then I'd have a one year old and a 4 year old screaming H-yeah!

Anyway, all this was to say... you can change how you feel about something by the words you use, by your attitude.

So go pick something you "hate" and give "lovin' it" a whirl.

There really are secrets...

So turns out, there really are secrets to keeping your house clean.  I read a blog entry one time that stated the exact opposite, it was like all that's between you and a clean house is hard work, there are no secrets... anyway, it said something like that.

And I felt so depressed because I was like... I do work hard! All day, everyday!  And I can't keep my house under freaking control! It's impossible.

But I've found through a little research/observation (from the Internets/watching the habits of really clean people I know), that it's all about working smarter, not harder... hence the secrets.  Okay they may not seem like miraculous secrets to you, but to me, they have made all the difference.

1. Don't let the dishes mildew.  

• This sounds so stupid, but it's true, I always hated doing the dishes, but that's because I'd continually let them pile up until they had to be done. And I loathed it. So now, I load the dish washer all day after every snack/meal/etc, run it over night and unload as soon as I can in the morning.  Doing this has changed my life.  

2. Do a load of laundry most days.  

• The more people we added to our family the crazier the laundry situation got.  Laundry day was super lame and usually ended with a HUGE pile of laundry on the coffee table that would stay there for days at a time until slowly, it got used up.  I try to do a load a day, this doesn't always happen, but if I do a load most days, it stays under control. This means much smaller loads, that are way easier to put away... It took me a while to be converted to this tip, because I didn't want to be constantly doing laundry, but I found out I spend way less time/energy/angst over laundry now than I did before.  

3. 5 minute clean ups.  

• I set my timer for 3, 5, or 10 minutes and my kids and I do a cleaning blitz.  I try and do this before nap time and before bed time so the toys don't get out of control.  Also another tip I learned from some article was to always take something with you when you leave a room.  You see a toy or two on the floor that don't belong in the kitchen, pick them up as you walk out and throw them in the toy box... it can make a big difference.  

4. Declutter

• This is my arch nemesis, but I'm getting better, you just have to remember the less stuff you have, the easier it is to pick up/keep organized.  Picking something to declutter for 15 minutes a day is also life changing.  I love taking a box or sack full of weird stuff to the Goodwill, it just makes me feel lighter.  

5. Schedule

• Have a cleaning schedule for stuff you don't do as often... here's mine:  Monday-vacuum, Tuesday-wipe something down (this is usually weird sticky stuff my kids get on walls/cabinets/chairs, I pick one thing and don't worry about the rest), Wednesday-mop, Thursday-Grocery day, Friday-Bathrooms, Saturday-catch up on whatever I didn't get done.  
• Have a daily cleaning routine, for when you load/unload dishes and/or clothes, declutter, do your chore--like vacuum, etc.  And do the cleaning as fast as you can, get it over with, and move on with your life.  

So a lot of this I learned from flylady.net, but I didn't go overboard and buy all her books or even sign up for her emails.

The fly lady has a ton of awesome suggestions, that I'm sure if I followed them, my house would be immaculate, but I'm not the fly lady.  Part of my routine involves exercising, writing, playing with my kids, reading scriptures/meditation time... these really are the most important things in my day... consequently I'm not going to swish my toilet bowl every morning, because I just don't care that much.

You have to pick what's important to you.

Is my house perfect?

Nope.

Is it clean enough?

For me, yes.

So there you go.  What other secrets have you found?

Loving it, come heck or heck water

Pretty much when New Years rolled around I decided it was going to be the year of the 'suck'.  My whole family was really sick, my husband and I didn't even remember it was our anniversary the day before because we were alternating lying on the couch with chills/snot/the works and/or making frequent trips to the restroom.  We put the kids to bed at 8, we went to bed between 9:30 and 10...

And I just kept thinking about why everything was going to suck this year.  About how hard certain aspects of my life are going to be... about how my husband doesn't have a job right now--and it's making things a little tense around here (that may be a teensy understatement)... about how he is still going to school... about our student loans growing... about getting up all night with a newborn... about taking care of two other kids... about not having enough help around the house... about the uncertainty of whether we are going to have to move across the country to find a job... and the list goes on.

Then I remembered something.  It was this talk I heard, called Of Regrets and Resolutions, about what people regret as they approach the end of their lives.

It talks about how people regretted not spending enough time with their loved ones and how people felt like they didn't live up to their potential... these made sense.

And then the last one was:  "I wish I had let myself be happier".

And I wasn't expecting that one... it kind of stopped me.  Maybe it's just the way it's worded, not 'I wish I'd been happier'... but "I wish I had let myself be happier".  That little 'let myself' makes a big difference.

"So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.

We do matter. We determine our happiness.

You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness."

I am in charge of my own happiness.  So if I decide it's going to be the suckiest year on record, it will be.  If I decide to get over it and enjoy my life even when things are crazy and hard, I can be happy.

So I've decided, this year is going to be awesome.  It is a blank word doc ready to be filled, and I get to choose how it's filled.

I am determined. Come heck or heck water... (that's how my family says it, I know, we're weird) I'm going to be happy.

I've posted this quote on my fridge.

"Come what may, and love it."

So here's to a HAPPY new year and to loving life.
 
-Red

Believe it or not, this isn't even the Love it story I was going to share... I'll have to get on that later.

I have a blog?

I keep getting subtle reminders that I'm not blogging... like all the bajillion spam comments that keep getting emailed to me.

I pulled the old thing up and realized how much I liked blogging.  And how cute my short hair was... sigh.

So here's a life update for ya...

1. I have two crazy kids, a 4yr old and a 20 month old.
2. We are having another baby in the springtime.
3. My husband is still going to school and had to leave us for three months.*
4. Big girl started Prek this year.
5. I'm growing out my hair for various reasons... one of which is that my face fills out when I'm pregnant, and the other is that my husband begged me day after day after day... to grow out my hair--we shall see how long it lasts.  I get this itchy feeling every so often that I need to chop all my hair off.
6. It's just been a lot of big changes.

I've been writing occasionally.
Exercising more than writing.
Eating healthy.
Cooking from my crockpot.
Learning how to keep my house under control, or at least attempting it.
Surviving the kids being constantly sick.
Getting through the holidays without too many meltdowns (my own, not the kids).
Trying to keep things in balance without wanting to rip all my hair out.

So it's time, I don't want to make this blog a headache, or have a schedule, or feel obligated to post about certain things, but I miss it.  I miss venting, or sharing, or making a record of my life.

So while I'll probably still write about writing, I had to change the title of my blog.  Because I'm pretty sure I'll be writing more about life.  And how I'm trying to love it.

More on that later.

Red

*Single parenthood SUCKS. I do NOT recommend it. And I seriously admire anyone who has to do the task alone, because it is reeeeeaaaaallly hard.

I need to get real

Does anyone else out there have over zealous goals and deadlines they push on themselves?  Like finishing their novel rewrite before their birthday or running a half marathon--barefoot...also by their birthday? (Does this scream mid-life crisis to anyone else?  And am I allowed to have one of those yet?)

Okay, okay, confession on the barefoot thing--I'm not that crazy, I wear shoes, but I'm doing the whole minimalist thing... to change my heel striking ways.  (Anyone else read Born to Run and want to be Tarahumara?)

So sometimes I make these lofty goals and then reality sets in.

Like oh wait, I have small children who sometimes make it impossible to write, even though I needed to meet my 500 word goal for the day and edit the crap out of yesterday's 500...

Or wait, I'm not sixteen anymore, so trying to up my mileage 1 mile/week (HA!) in racing flats (Hahahohohehe!) when you're only supposed to do add on 10%/week in distance when transitioning to barefoot form... yeah, it doesn't exactly go so well.

So my ankles have been killing me, my writing has sucked, and I'm totally beating myself up over it.
I've had to stop running to make sure I don't do any real damage. (Don't worry I pulled out my trusty 30 day shred and even after all the exercising lately, it's still hard)  I've had to realize I can't always make my word count goals...

The hardest part about this is realizing IT'S OKAY.  Who freaking cares?  No one has a gun to my head.  I'm doing this for me, and if it takes longer than initially planned--what's the big deal?

So message for today... get real and stop being so hard on yourself.

Red

Hunger Games Day Dreams...

I finally saw it... and it was spectacular.  I couldn't believe how much I was on the edge of my seat.  I've read the books, I knew what was going to happen, but I was gripping my chair, my heart pounding, it was intense.

That's when you know it's an amazing story.  It doesn't matter if you've heard it all before, it still gets ya.

So I've been day dreaming, (come on admit it--you do this too) about what it would be like for a story that I brainstormed, wrote, slaved over became a movie--and actually an amazing movie.  How awesome would that be to say 'yeah, that came from my brain'?

I love how I jump to the movie, whether or not I would use any of the pen names I come up with, what I would wear to my book signings etc... before I've even written the book.  But I guess that's why we're writers, we have really good imaginations... now if I could transfer it to what I should be working on, that would be awesome.

And in case you were wondering about what I would wear to a signing:

I love the skirt, the vest/top not so much

I'm feeling orange today what can I say?

Ooh la la

Sigh.  I love how these are all dresses/skirts, and I'm totally a ts-hirt and jeans person... a girl can dream, can't she?

Oh yes, she can.  

Peace out,

Red

 

And if you want to daydream too, here's where these super cute outfits came from: http://www.shabbyapple.com/t-apparel.aspx

 

Afraid of the dark

I've been getting out a bit earlier as my runs have gotten longer.  And it's generally darker then I prefer.  Earlier means the sky doesn't yet have a hit of glow about it until I get back.

I know my senses are more alert, I'm on the watch out for creepsters who are lurking in the wee hours of the morning.  I know I'm paranoid.  I live in an insanely safe part of the world, but one can never be too careful.  I confess I run with mace and my phone and I don't listen to music.  

Anyway, it was dark this morning, and I was running along by some enormous bushes.  Giant bushes, the kind where creepsters totally camp out in waiting for me to run by and something jumped out!

The adrenaline rush was amazing for my pace--in a fight or flight situation I'm a little more geared to flight--my arms pumped and my legs flew and everything slowed down... so that I could safely get away from the birds who flew right past my feet, in some kind of crazy mating ritual. 

I couldn't help but laugh as I ran along.   

In my denfense they really crashed through those leaves--loudly and my freak out was much more justified than the one I had when a giant moth flew out in front of me.    

So anyone else out there with a crazy imagination?  Am I the only one afraid of the dark?  

When to delete a character...

When do you know you should delete a character?

I agonized over the last couple of weeks whether or not to delete one of my characters, my mc's great grandmother.  A different one I just chopped, easy peasy, cut her out of the story and done, we shall call her Shaye (okay that was her name) was part of a subplot that I was wishy wash about.  I felt relieved when I cut her.

With Grammy I thought well, is she really accomplishing anything?  Surely I could combine her purpose into a different character.  I couldn't really put my finger on why she was integral to the story.  

So I tried to delete her.  But nothing flowed.  I rewrote the opening a couple times and I just didn't like it.  

And then I had an ah-ha moment.  I realized, that yes someone else could fulfill her purpose, but Grams set the tone.    She was cryptic, she was wrinkly and there was just something about her I couldn't recreate in my other characters, something a thirteen-year-old boy couldn't do.  So I fleshed her out and made her matter more.  And I like the opening a lot better, isn't that great when that happens?

So moral of the story: all your characters need a purpose, and if you can't put you finger on it try to delete them, see what happens.

you know you're old when...

There are certain things I loved in my youth that just don't do it for me anymore...

For example:

Milk chocolate
Any food from Sonic
Loud music
Staying up really late
Going to the Mall to hang out
Midnight showings of movies... (okay I've only done that once and it was like last year, cough, cough.  But I realized I was old when I didn't want to do it again)

And today I realized another one.

Running in the rain.

I used to love it, I thought it was so tough.  It gave me some kind of adrenaline rush or something.  But this morning when I woke up at 6:30 (Aren't you so proud of me!  This is week two of being a morning person and I'm still at it!) and it was raining like mad... did I go run in the rain?

Uh... no.  It sounded like the worst idea in the world.
All I could think was:  blisters! wet socks! distracted drivers! slick pavement! soggy t-shirt!

So I turned on my beloved Jillian Michael's 30 day shred and sweat my little heart out.
And now I'm researching treadmills...just in case this spring is extra drizzly.

So what did you love in youth that doesn't cut it anymore?

I hate cooking...

Because sometimes you get this:

Yes that is burned to a blackened crisp
(don't worry... we still ate it, after some minor surgery)

extra extra crispy bacon

flooded icing awesomeness...
not to mention the cookies were disgusting,
I can't remember what I left out,
but they tasted really floury.

So there's the possibility of irreversible damage not only to the food, but to the kitchen as well... the mess we make is absurd.

The older child and I usually make a mess on the counter tops

The younger one likes to mess up the floor.

busted

After she spilled the bag of wheat on the floor,
she proceeded to kick and wave the wheat around  as fast as she could.

I obviously need to re-baby proof the kitchen. 

But sometimes, there is magic, and your blood, sweat, tears, and even prayers* pay off.  And you take this...

Meet the marshmallow fondant...this was literally a miracle.

...and turn it into this:

There is a reason I love writing--there's this amazing button called backspace and this other awesome thing called undo.  You can't really "undo" cooking--when it's gone... it's gone.  And maybe there's something poetic in that too... but for me, it just ticks me off.  

Sometimes you do have to start with a clean slate in writing...but at least the ingredients are free and the house doesn't smell afterward.    

Meet the butterfly my daughter snuck on Grandma's cupcakes...
after I left the room.
My husband thought it was a salamander...
What was he thinking?
It's obviously a butterfly.
Hello, look at those wings.

 *If you were me you would pray that your Mother-in-law's (a.k.a Martha Stewart^2) b-day cupcakes turned out too.  

The morning report

Guys, I forgot how magical the morning is...

Seriously, Monday morning I got up, put on the shoes and went out side to see the moon--it was glowing, actually.  Amazing.  I should have taken a picture.  I went outside just now to check for ye old moon again, but alas it is overcast and I'm thinking I should check the weather before I head out on this run.  It just feels tornado-y.   (aka super muggy, strange glow to the sky... all kinds of fun)

I got up yesterday too--just not to run because I have a yoga class Tuesdays (I LOVE it my friend does it free at our church, how cool is that?)--so this is day three of early morning and I love it.

I'm proud of myself... I don't think I've ever truly been a morning person.  When I was in high school I got up extra early to go to this thing for church called Seminary--where we studied scriptures and such... It started at 6:30... let me say that again 6:30!!!!

My dad would come in my room and do a little jig and turn on the light and try to do all kinds of funny things to wake me up, but I would moan and complain and whine and cry and then I would finally get up.

Anyway, I'll suffice it to say, getting up early has never been my thing, but I love it.  I have time to read, write, make breakfast/unload dishes--it's changing my life.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?  DO YOU LIKE THE MORNING OR ARE YOU A NIGHT OWL, AND WHY?

Okay I gotta scram so I can get to it.  Another 2 miles, wahoo!

Red

half marathon

Why, oh why am I up this early?  I'm an at home mom.  I don't have to acknowledged the time change...ever... okay we do, but, you know, like two weeks later.

But here I am ready to start the day... in the dark lonely world.

At least the rest of my family is asleep.

So yesterday I decided it's time.  I need to run a half marathon.  I'm almost embarrassed that I haven't--is that weird? Uh, yeah, probably.  I've run this far--but not for a long, long, long time--that was back in college, but I've never raced at this distance.  I've done the 5-k a ton, a few 10k's, and a load of triathlons, but never a half marathon.  I picked a race date, I made a schedule... so why am I sitting at the computer?

I'm posting this so I have to commit.  I like running, not usually before the sun comes up, but eh, what are you going to do?

So here goes, to the first day of training--a two mile run.

See ya on the flip side,
Red  

Tackling the beast

I need to know!  What's your process?

Because I'm back at it.  Yes, I am working on the beast again.  My first novel that I went through like 15 times.  But it just won't die.

I'm going for a complete rewrite this time.
Instead of just rushing through the draft and having to do a million edits, I thought, maybe I should take a look at my process.

So I'm trying to write little by little and I'm sending it to my crit partners (thanks guys!) and edit as I go.  It's really interesting to do it this way, because I'm putting a lot more stock into what I write the first (or second or third) time before I move on to the next section.

And after some thoughts and critiques... I realized I need to delete a character and re-think the plot, again.  I'm only 3 chapters into this thing, so there's not a ton to change--compared to all those times I've gone through the whole thing and then realized I needed to axe someone--but this time, I can see the point of rushing through because it's throwing my momentum.  I feel like 'Crap, now I gotta start all over!' and that's such a bummer, because I actually invested more thought/time into those first chapters.  

I guess I'm still discovering what my style/writing process is, I'm not sure yet.  I'm going to continue the slow way for as long as I can, but (I predict) the nearer to the end I get, more I'm going to want to rush it.

So what do you do?

Do you edit as you go or do you write a-la-nanowrimo....?

Paula, Paula, Paula

I find it interesting so many people have been in an uproar about Paula Deen having diabetes.  It really doesn't seem like a such a shocker to me.  

Exhibit A.

I think I just got diabetes by looking at this picture.

It seems as though there are two camps on the 'Paula has diabetes' debate.  One side is like, "You go girl, you stay true to your southern roots. Diabetes-smiabetes."  And the other is like "How can you promote all this unhealthy eating when you had diabetes?!?  How dare you make me have diabetes!  I didn't know eating a glazed donut hamburger was bad for me!"

To her credit, she's exercising/cleaning up her diet and looking more healthy--to which I say 'Yay Paula!' because, seriously, it would suck having diabetes. 

Peace out,

Red  

Imaginary blog posts

I've been writing imaginary blog posts in my head for the last few months, but I never get around to writing them.  All the time, I'm like 'dang that would be a good blog post...' but I put to much pressure on myself for them to be awesome or something because it seems like too much work or not relevant enough, etc. And I talk myself out of it.

So I'm turning over a new leaf, even if it is utter and complete crap...I am going to write it.  Because I want to.  That's why I blog--or why I should.  I do it for me.

With this new leaf... they'll be more changes round here, so enjoy the changing colors and fonts and backgrounds and whatever until I figure out the direction I'm gonna go.

-Red

Dear Taylor

I know, it's been forever since I've written, it's just been so dang c-razy round here.  And I know, I know, I totally missed the world tour... again.  I swear one day I will go, so you better keep dating loads of people so you can have all the new material you need.  Speaking of which, can you please, please, please really be dating Tebow, I know they said your meeting was all business--but come on, you guys make such a stinking cute couple as opposed to all the other wonderful men you've dated.  

 

see ^ look how precious you guys are.  

Okay, kids are screaming, I gotta jam.

Talk to you soon,

Red

Post soul-ectomy

Hmmm.  I don't even know where to begin.  I'm still recovery from my soulectomy.

In November:

Threw hubby a surprise party:

Went to AZ:

To one of these:

Hung out with these crazy awesome people:

And then flew home and BAM it was December:

Partied with them:

Celebrated this (Not my house, but this one did have 27 inflatables):

Celebrated seven years of this:

And Shabam--January:

Been doing a lot of this (still don't look like that):

Hubby started new school.  Online for now.  (We love having him home, when we can actually see him.  Keeping the kids/myself out of his hair = not so fun).

  

Trying to redecorate cheaply with Christmas dough:

Sewing drop cloth pillows

 Potterybarn inspired pillow, I love how this one came out :)

 A ruffle pillow

 Painted this and hated it, repainted it multiple times

 Used freezer paper to make stencils for pillows

 Spray painted said pillows...

 Hubby showing me up on the sewing machine

I think my painting/pillows came out pretty good (FINALLY):

Caught up with old friends:

Spend 95% of my time hanging out with these Two Crazy Pigs:

 This has been the only snow store of the year... and the kiddo was pretty excited.  What? You can't see the snow?  Yeah that's cause it snowed half a teaspoon. She still went to play in it though.  :)

And making a plan to make some moola, and save what we've got--per the staying on a budget goal.  Considering entering the 7th level of hell and substitute teaching one day a week.  

Maybe someday I won't feel so crazy, and I'll actually start writing again (crossing my fingers I can make time tonight before I curl up into a ball and fall asleep).  

There are no words. Okay maybe a few.