Pretty much when New Years rolled around I decided it was going to be the year of the 'suck'. My whole family was really sick, my husband and I didn't even remember it was our anniversary the day before because we were alternating lying on the couch with chills/snot/the works and/or making frequent trips to the restroom. We put the kids to bed at 8, we went to bed between 9:30 and 10...
And I just kept thinking about why everything was going to suck this year. About how hard certain aspects of my life are going to be... about how my husband doesn't have a job right now--and it's making things a little tense around here (that may be a teensy understatement)... about how he is still going to school... about our student loans growing... about getting up all night with a newborn... about taking care of two other kids... about not having enough help around the house... about the uncertainty of whether we are going to have to move across the country to find a job... and the list goes on.
Then I remembered something. It was this talk I heard, called Of Regrets and Resolutions, about what people regret as they approach the end of their lives.
It talks about how people regretted not spending enough time with their loved ones and how people felt like they didn't live up to their potential... these made sense.
And then the last one was: "I wish I had let myself be happier".
And I wasn't expecting that one... it kind of stopped me. Maybe it's just the way it's worded, not 'I wish I'd been happier'... but "I wish I had let myself be happier". That little 'let myself' makes a big difference.
"So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.
I am in charge of my own happiness. So if I decide it's going to be the suckiest year on record, it will be. If I decide to get over it and enjoy my life even when things are crazy and hard, I can be happy.
So I've decided, this year is going to be awesome. It is a blank word doc ready to be filled, and I get to choose how it's filled.
I am determined. Come heck or heck water... (that's how my family says it, I know, we're weird) I'm going to be happy.
I've posted this quote on my fridge.
"Come what may, and love it."
So here's to a HAPPY new year and to loving life.
Believe it or not, this isn't even the Love it story I was going to share... I'll have to get on that later.