Friday, January 28, 2011

99th Page Blogfest

So here is my 99th page... (with minimal editing, which makes me realize I need to edit like this... take it out of context and it's easier to look at the mechanics of writing).  For whatever reason the format is really weird and it's not cooperating, so sorry.  :) 

After feeding the horses, I found a brush hanging on the wall and tried to keep myself content by grooming the large animals.  I cleaned Mr. Birdwell's blood off my coat with handfuls of water from MadPlay’s stall and an old rag.  Duke’s paw prints changed into red and brown smears.  I took a ragged breath, fighting the tears.  How long had it been?  How much longer would it be until I knew anything?
            When I had resorted to pacing the length of the barn, the light started to fade.  If Mr. Birdwell had died Jack would have found me by now and if he were still waiting for news he wouldn’t leave--not that I could blame him.  I didn’t want to spend the night in the barn again.  But where was Camille?  When would she show up again?  Her disappearance left me uneasy, I wasn’t sure what had happened in the woods—but she had vanished.  And with her went my chances of getting home.  I started to panic thinking of the photograph, wouldn’t it have to be one of Jack and his father hunting?  I pulled the image from my pocket, it was blurry, nothing like it had been before, I couldn’t make out people or anything in the background, just swirls of dark and light.
            I shivered.  If I hadn’t come things would have been different.  Camille would have taken the picture.  Instead, I made the stupid duck call to distract them, guilt consumed me.  The barn door creaked open and I squinted through the twilight at the figure coming through it. 
            “Oh Jack! How is he?”  I ran to him, noticing the deep circles underneath his eyes.  He smiled at me and held out his arms, wrapping me in his embrace.


  1. I could feel how nervous she was. It jumps around a little but I can imagine it might be like that when you are waiting to hear good news or bad.
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. It's well written, and clearly you have momentum going with your story. So much is happening behind the scenes here, so much we've missed. I feel a little lost, but I get a clear sense of the MC's emotion. I'd turn a page or two (forward or back) to try to get a larger picture. I'm interested.

  3. Hi,

    Oh my, what's happened? Hell, I need to know! I'd have to flip backwards to page one and follow through. There's mystery, tension and angst surrounding the MC, and she trusts Jack. What is Jack to her? So many damn questions. ;)


  4. Nicely done. An emotional page and one that would be read worthy depending on the rest of the book.

  5. WOW... I mean wow. Awesome. I want to know what happened. I want to know what happens next. This was brain exploding awesome.

    MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE. (can you tell I want more)

    Thanks for joining in on the fun.

  6. Ummm...I need more!

    So, is Camille dead? I'm feeling guilt and a rumbling panic. Nicely done.


  7. That was a good entry - I liked the calm of brushing the horses coupled with the tension of waiting for news. (just an editing tip - watch your occurrances of "had" - I know, I've taken TONS out of mine!)

  8. This is really good, and I like the sound of the barn door creaking open. It really put me into the scene.

  9. This is totally engrossing! I love the tension, the way the character's actions add to it. I want to know what happened to Mr. Birdwell. (What's up with the blood? The picture?) There's a lot going on, but it doesn't feel overwhelming at all.

    I'd definitely read on.

  10. Great tension. A good balance of setting the scene and the emotions of the mc.

    I would turn the page....


  11. Wow! What the heck just happened? I'd have to flip back before reading ahead, but I would most certainly keep reading!

  12. Nice post! There's a lot of tension inside the MC's head to drive me through those couple of paragraphs. I think I'd enjoy reading the rest of this story (and the beginning, to find out what happened)

  13. I would definitely turn to page 100...better yet, I'd start at the begining :)

    New follower...